Why Can’t I Just Start a New Book

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Since I’ve been out of work my anxiety has been in overload and my motivation has been stuck in park. Usually I write poetry or blog posts, or take pics to motivate me. My dream is to be a travel photographer and blogger. Even though I have turned my life upside down and went all out to make my dreams come true, nothing has materialized.

One of the things that helps take my mind off the world is reading. In the last two months, I’ve read over 30 books. I usually average about 3 to 5 books a week. One thing I’ve noticed is my taste in books have changed. I usually go for romance novels but that hasn’t been satisfying me, so I switched to fantasy and mystery. Mostly books on angels and demons or assassins. When I tell you this has opened up a whole new way of enjoying books for me, man…let me tell ya. Now, I watch a lot of movies and tv shows on the subjects that’s why I gravitate to romance with books. But, reading the books allow me to immerse myself in the world and get more enjoyment out of it.

I know you are wondering where I am going with this and I’m about to tell you. I asked myself, why can’t I treat my life like a book? Why can’t I treat my interests like the books I read? Maybe I’m too focused on the things I’ve always liked and gravitated towards. Maybe it’s time to pick a new interest (book) and see where it takes me. Or just, look at a different genre, like romance with assassins…lol. Yea, I know it may sound crazy, but you know what I’m getting at. Photography will always be my number one love, but maybe I need to explore something else besides nature photography. Maybe it’s time to try a new book. OR, just maybe I’ll start writing the fantasy book I’ve been reading in my head.

Is it time for you to start a new book? Tell me about it.

 

Healing the Village and Community

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Our village is hurting. It’s crying out for help. We are experiencing grief, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. This leads to isolation and lack of communication. The village used to be a place where people could come to get information, education, rights of passages, and love. Now, it offers no words of encouragement, wisdom, or support.

There was a time when we all came together to do what is best for the community, for its people. To help look after each other, to feed the hungry, and support the dreams of the youth. There was a time when kids could approach the elders and get words of wisdom, but now they offer words of dread. There was a time when the hungry could go to corner store or the neighborhood grandmother and be offered food and comforting words, now he is turned away with words filled with hurt and hate. We used to look out for each other, now we turn a blind eye to the destruction of the community. We stopped communicating and now we’re deaf to the screams for help.

For so long, we’ve convinced ourselves we’re immune to the diseases and illnesses of the outside world. We’ve falsely believed depression, anxiety, and mental illness didn’t live in our homes. People laughed at the child, who showed signs of mental illness, for acting a little different. Instead of offering help, we offered ridicule. We protected the uncle, who molested the family members- telling everyone he was just being friendly. We allowed him, and others like him, to shatter the innocence and joy of youth. Instead of giving them justice, we gave them indifference. Instead of giving the one with big dreams the tools and wisdom to reach those dreams, we gave him negativity and doubt while laughing at his aspirations.

We are failing our community because we are scared to admit we need help and to get help. We’re afraid to communicate for fear of judgement and ridicule. The world we live in shames us for admitting we need help, have struggles, and for being less than perfect. We’ve built a mirage that life is always about being bigger, better, faster, flashier, more, more, more… We’ve no longer appreciate the little things in life, the small comforts, and gestures of love and hope.

The village has tried, for so long, to hide its hurt and pain behind this illusion and now it’s rearing its ugly head with a vengeance. The village is no longer able to care for and love the youth, because we don’t know how to care for and love ourselves. Love, wisdom, fun, and fellowship are no longer valued in the community. The sad part is, we know help is there, we’re just scared to seek it. How can we heal if we can’t admit we need help? How can give the youth hope for the future, when we can’t admit and get help for the hopelessness of the present? In order to heal, the village must admit it is sick. In order to heal, we must raise our voices and ask for help. Until we are able to do this, we will continue to suffer in silence.

Fall Harvest

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In farming, fall harvest is a time for gathering the crops from the seeds planted in late summer. In life, fall harvest is a time for reaping the rewards for seeds planted earlier in the year.

Earlier in the year,  we made wishes and planted seeds of hopes and dreams in hopes of seeing them manifest later in the year.  Now, the time has come to reap the benefits of those seeds and the energy we’ve put into tending the garden. Now is the time to collect on those dreams, hopes, and wishes.  Maybe you wishes for better health, more friends, abundance in finance, or a new home.  Some might of dreamed of a relaxing vacation, passing exams, or an addition to the family.

I look back on the seeds I planted, earlier this year, and I can see the rewards of those seeds.  I wanted to spend more time with my daughter, travel, and grow spiritually.  I wanted a new job in a career loved and an increase in finance.  Well, I am now homeschooling my little one and we have been on several vacations, which included her getting her first stamp in her passport.  I have definitely grown spiritually.  I started my own business and nonprofit.  My finances are not where I want them to be but I know with time and patience they will get there.

See, the thing about the harvest is not all your seeds will grow and, sometimes, it may seems like there’s nothing there. But, if you look closely, you can find something to gather. Some hope or wish that surprisingly came true, no matter how big or small.  Or, some dream that is taking off, even if it’s just in the beginning stages.  Be proud of the energy and effort you’ve put into tending your garden and happily reap your rewards.

 

Going Home… Part 1

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Today, I decided to visit my grandparents land to take some nature pictures.  I visited my great-grandmother’s house and my grandfather’s house.

My great-grandmother’s family has over 100 acres of land and I had not visited it in years.  In my mind, it was still this beautiful big field filled with apple trees, strawberry vines, pecan and plum trees.  I remember spending hours playing with and feeding the horses.  I remember my great- grandmother teaching her grand kids how to make brooms from straw, gather water from the well, and hang clothes on the line. I also remember her putting frogs in our arms and scaring us.

When it was time to eat, she would make the best biscuits in the wood burning stove.  Afterwards, she sat us down and taught us to make quits.  Even though she didn’t have much, she made sure we were never cold or hungry.

I drove up to the hill hoping to see the house I slept in as a kid.  The yard I use to sweep with straw brooms.  The apple, plum, and pecan trees.  In my heart, I wanted to see my great-grandmother, standing in the yard, waving as I pulled up.

The reality is, there is no more house, the yard is over grown, and all the fruit and nut trees are gone.    Piles of old weathered wood is all that’s left of the house.  Rotting limbs are the only remains of the trees I used to climb.   An overgrown yard replaces the green grass, where I used to run and play with my cousins.  There is no more grandma’s house, only the memories of what once was.

As I stood there downing in memories, I heard a sound in the woods.  I saw movement and a little bit of my childhood came back.  Just like when I was a kid, there stood the horses.  I spent time getting to know my new friends, petting them, and feeding them.  I felt like a kid again. I felt like I was home.

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Don’t be afraid to walk alone

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There comes a time  when you have to walk your own path.  There’s something inside that’s calling and you can’t ignore it any longer.  You realize that you don’t belong  in the world you have been trying to fit in for so long.  You know there is more out there and you have to find it.

It’s going to be scary at times.  Sometimes, you will want to  turn around and go back to the comfort and safety of your old life.  Other times, you will want to run and experience more because of the joy you feel inside.  Many times, you will feel like your life is stagnant and you are not accomplishing anything.  These are the times when you are learning the most.   These are the times when you need to really listen to that voice inside of you.

No one can walk this path for you.  Not everyone is going to see your passion or drive.  Not everyone is gong to understand.  All that matters is you do.  Don’t be afraid to walk alone.  It may be the best walk you’ve every taken.

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