Since I’ve been out of work my anxiety has been in overload and my motivation has been stuck in park. Usually I write poetry or blog posts, or take pics to motivate me. My dream is to be a travel photographer and blogger. Even though I have turned my life upside down and went all out to make my dreams come true, nothing has materialized.
One of the things that helps take my mind off the world is reading. In the last two months, I’ve read over 30 books. I usually average about 3 to 5 books a week. One thing I’ve noticed is my taste in books have changed. I usually go for romance novels but that hasn’t been satisfying me, so I switched to fantasy and mystery. Mostly books on angels and demons or assassins. When I tell you this has opened up a whole new way of enjoying books for me, man…let me tell ya. Now, I watch a lot of movies and tv shows on the subjects that’s why I gravitate to romance with books. But, reading the books allow me to immerse myself in the world and get more enjoyment out of it.
I know you are wondering where I am going with this and I’m about to tell you. I asked myself, why can’t I treat my life like a book? Why can’t I treat my interests like the books I read? Maybe I’m too focused on the things I’ve always liked and gravitated towards. Maybe it’s time to pick a new interest (book) and see where it takes me. Or just, look at a different genre, like romance with assassins…lol. Yea, I know it may sound crazy, but you know what I’m getting at. Photography will always be my number one love, but maybe I need to explore something else besides nature photography. Maybe it’s time to try a new book. OR, just maybe I’ll start writing the fantasy book I’ve been reading in my head.
Is it time for you to start a new book? Tell me about it.
I’ve known anxiety for over half my life. We first meet in high school. At first it wasn’t so bad. She would show up every now and then and only hang for a couple of minutes. I would have little flutters when she showed up during important events (important for a teenager..lol) and as quickly as she came, she would leave. As time went on, she started hanging around longer and longer. Our interactions changed from flutters, to sweaty palms, to mini asthma attacks, crying attacks, and constant overthinking.
I’ve tried to break the bond with anxiety many times. We’ve gone months without interaction and at times years. The last couple of years we’ve really been hanging out a lot. I try to end things but she just keeps coming back. You know like the pesky little gnat that won’t stop flying around your ear. At times I’ve let her control me to the point I missed out on taking changes on things I really wanted to do. My constant overthinking had me over analyzing every situation to the point I would talk myself out of having fun, receiving and receiving love, and following my dreams.
As I’ve gotten older and placed more importance on self-love and balance, I’ve learned to handle her a lot better. I don’t let control my emotions or thoughts to the point I become paralyzed with fear. My attacks have become less frequent and my over thinking is getting better. Being out in nature has really helped with finding balance and identifying the things that contribute to anxiety attacks. I also found acknowledging and expressing my feelings during or after the attacks helps with the emotional stress.
Lately, our bond has not been as strong. I’m not saying we have completely ended our relationship, but I’ve learned how to manage and release the control she’s had over me for so many years. So, while she doesn’t visit me as frequently as she used to, I know she’s still around and now I’m more prepared to handle her visits.
Do any of you have an anxiety, and if so, how do you handle it?