Mental Illness and Suicide

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Mental illness and suicide are topics not openly discussed in the black community, homes, and places of worship.  It is a taboo subject, that for years, has been seen as a “white people” issue because black people do not commit suicide or have mental illness.

This is no longer the case. The rate of mental illness and suicide in the black community is steady rising, but we, as a community, are not addressing it.  This needs and has to change.

We have to engage each other and talk about mental illness and suicide.  We have to be more vigilant in getting help for ourselves and others. Whether it is seeing a professional, group therapy, or just having someone to talk to one on one, we have to be willing to reach out and say we need help or to offer help.

There are many forms of mental illness and someone may not “look” suicidal but that does not mean they are not struggling to make it through the next day, hour, or minute.

I recently lost my dad to suicide and I saw first hand how it devastates a family.  I listened to the questions family members asked. The why, how, and what happened.  I felt and saw the hurt and helplessness. I do not wish that feeling on anyone else.

If you know someone who is struggling or are struggling with mental illness or suicidal thoughts please reach out for help. There are so many resources available but you have to be willing to make take that step.

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit the online treatment locators.

http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/

Watch for the Signs

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Lately, I am in the need of inspiration. Positivity. Love and Light. There is too much negative energy around me now and I need so positive energy to give balance.  More and more I am watching and listening to the signs the Universe gives me and today they took me to a YouTube channel that gave me exactly what I needed.

Preston Smiles channel popped up while I was looking at a video about updating resumes.  In the back of my mind, I was really thinking I need some positive and inspirational words right now.  I scrolled down the list and there was a video titled “How to Stop Attracting Drama in Your Life”  so I clicked on it.  Right now I live a drama free life so I was wondering why I was sent here.  Then it came up, “The Master Formula – Accept+Let Go+Faith+Now”.

This video cam at the right time because I am trying to live more in the now and not worry about the past and future. Every once in a while those pesky negative thoughts will creep in and I need a reminder of what is actually important. This was my sign. This was my confirmation to stay focused on now and everything else will work itself out.

Need a some positive words right now, check out Preston Smiles on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/user/questionswithPreston/videos

Enjoying My Now

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Lately, it seems as though all I have been thinking about is starting a new career, providing for my family, or how I want my life to be in the future. My brain has been going non-stop making plans, coming up with ideas, researching, and so much more.

I am mentally exhausted.  I need to stop, exhale, and rest.  I need to enjoy my now.

My now is waking up to my daughter’s smiling face every morning and getting a big hug when she realizes mommy is still here.

My now is enjoying a cup of tea in the middle of the afternoon while I sit on the porch and listen to nature.

My now is listening to my niece and little cousins talk about what is happening in their teenage world.

My now is enjoying dinner with my family.

My now is listening to summer storms right before bed.

My now is cuddling with my daughter until she falls asleep.

My now is finally being at peace.

My Struggles God’s Glory by F. Denise Wiggins

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My Struggles God’s Glory, by F. Denise Wiggins, is a story of a young woman, Denise, fighting her way through life while trying to keep her faith in God.  Denise shares her fears, struggles, relationships, love, and faith in a very blunt manner.

We are introduced to a young and pregnant Denise, who has no idea how to care for herself, let alone a baby.   Her mother is the person who actually tells her she is pregnant, even though she is months into the pregnancy.   The relationship between Denise and her baby’s father is far from ideal. And as you can imagine, for a teenage mother, it gets worse before it gets better.

The relationship between Denise and her mom is also complicated.  Denise represented hope to her mom and when she got pregnant, as a teenager, that hope faded.  This led to emotional and physical challenges for Denise.  But through all the bad relationships, emotional, and spiritual setbacks, her mother stood beside her, even when she had to let her walk alone.

The author shares some of the most intimate details of her failed relationships.  She brings the reader into the world of a young single mother with multiple children and of a married woman trying to build a family.

One constant throughout the book, is Denise’s faith in God.  Even when she is questioning her faith and God’s plan, she still holds on to it.

For a short read, this book covers a lot of issues many women face.  Single motherhood, dating, unemployment, family, and faith.  It also reminds the reader, some of the struggles one goes through are self-inflicted, but all can be overcome if you have faith in God.

The Comforter

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Can I fall asleep in your arms tonight

Can I cuddle up next to you and inhale the scent of you

As I shiver from your intimate touch while you run your fingers down my spine

Gently caressing my behind as your lips lightly brush against mine

And sparks a fire the increases my desire

Can I melt into your strong ebony arms as the heat from your body keeps me warm

I want to feel the rhythm of your heart beat against mine like a Bantu drum

While our thighs intertwine in a sensual dance ,the weight of your body crushing mine

I hold onto you like a lifeline

The sounds of our moans fill the air like a sweet love song

Drawing us deeper into a spiritual trance

Taking us to another place that transcends time and space

As we explore this fantasy ride, the pressure building up inside

And as the heavens and stars explode and we descend back to other side

Safe and warm in our bed, against your chest I lay my head

When I finally look into your eyes and see the love inside

I just have one last thing to ask

Can I fall asleep in your arms tonight

Surrendering to the Unknown

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I stayed too long.  I held on because I was afraid of moving on alone. I watched our relationship die a slow and painful death because I didn’t want to be the one to say it was over.  I refused to give up on what was already gone.

The fear of being alone and starting over kept me from following my intuition.  It kept me from being happy and loving myself.  I was depressed, angry, and lonely but I told myself I was happy and in love.

For years I said it would get better.  If I only try a little harder or be a little bit more understanding.  I blamed myself for not being enough.

Then I woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to be unhappy anymore.  I didn’t want to be alone in a relationship that was supposed to be about us, but was all about him.  I deserve  happiness and love.  I deserve someone who is willing to be an active participant in a relationship and not someone who is just there.

It is not easy letting go of someone you love.  Someone you have spent years with laughing, joking, and talking about everything.  Someone with whom you have a child.  Someone you thought would never give up on you.

When I finally made the choice to leave, I felt  I could breathe again.  I felt happy again.  I wasn’t afraid of being alone because I knew I never want to go back to the way things were.  I realized I had been alone for years but I didn’t want to admit it.

I don’t know what my future holds.  I don’t know if I will love again or if there is a “one” for me. What I do know is I would rather be by myself than be alone in another relationship.  I will not ignore my intuition because of fear of the unknown.  I will not set my happiness aside to make someone else happy.  I am enough just as I am and I surrender to what will be.